I was in boys scouts since the 1st grade. If I recall correctly, you are called a Tiger Scout then. Only a wee cub scout. It was a good source of companionship for me. I think that is the only reason my mother kept me in it for as long as she did. It was fun at first.. but it turned creepy new age after a while. Not to mention a bunch of administrative BS sucked out all the life from it.
It was useful while it lasted though. Some of my only friends came from there. As scouts we were all on the same team. None of the typical childhood crap where kids single people out for random stupid things. If I had to do it all again.. I would enroll in scouts again for this simple fact. All things said and done, I had friends if nothing else. It was a necessary lifeline.. even if I never did learn anything useful(seriously.. the whole thing is a bit of a joke).
Things became particularly difficult when I started to transition. At first I didn't say anything. I knew it wouldn't be a wise idea sooner or later, and I didn't particularly like scouts. None of the activities appealed to me. At the time, scouts was nothing more than an annoyance I had to put up with from time to time. Something I was forced to waste my valuable free time on. As much as I disliked playing baseball.. I would have preferred to start doing that again than be in scouts.
What would I rather have done? Martial arts lessons. I wanted to do that for as long as I could remember, but the answer was always no. I'd have loved to start gymnastics again. I liked it a lot, and I was SO jealous of the leotards of the girls. I wanted so badly to wear one during classes. I was even good at gymnastics.
The last trip was absolutely awful. Camping.. for the better part of a week. It was near the end of my time in middle school. By then I was developing noticeably. A uniform too big for me took care of most of it, but you could still tell(especially since I hadn't grown into a big strapping lad like everyone else..). The ultimate test for passing is being able to go out in a sack and still passing. Blessing and a curse at that point in my life. Not like I had a choice. For some reason my mother wouldn't take me out of scouts.
Bad. Any kid not in my troop treated me like shit. The scout leaders.. anyone in a position of authority.. and kids not in my troop. This is very bad because... who do you turn to? No one in charge did anything to stop shit from happening. Worse. I got pushed relentlessly. No pity. If I fell behind? I got left behind(the only person this happened for..). The only thing that made this bearable was this one really cool guy there. Very tall, and he would sometimes stop and wait for me to catch up. He'd chat for a bit.. then speed on ahead. He was the most physically capable of anyone there, but he didn't care about staying ahead or impressing anyone. He was the only one I didn't already know that was nice to me. He was cute too.
*Dreamy sigh*
..Uh.. anyway.. Worst. Showers each night were.. open. There were stalls, but no doors. You had to take a shower. No choice. Everyone showered at the same time. I got around this by going to the bathroom with my stuff.. then hiding in the woods for a long time. Lots of deodorant. I didn't get caught either.. thank goodness. That would have been a disaster of epic proportions. I thought about huddling as far in the stall as I could and never facing the other way even a moment.. but. that idea was cast out the moment I stared at the array of weenies. I got out of there FAST.
I didn't have a single fun moment. There was even a ceremony for those going to the next level. Guess what? An "administrative error" that my leader outright refused to correct lead to me being a badge short of it. I got to sit in the dirt next to the bleachers the audience(parents) were in.
Goody goody gumdrops!
It was freezing that night too, but I am kind of glad I wasn't in it. The ceremony was.. utterly creepy and new age. The experiences on this trip were the last straw. Only one person in my whole group of friends continued scouts. Apparently we had all been treated like garbage. We didn't stay the whole time even. We left half way through. Everyone agreed.. NEVER AGAIN.
Honestly, I think they picked it up.. even if they didn't fully understand what was going on. I had overstayed my welcome by a long shot. I don't think the boy scouts approved of their scouts having long hair and tits.
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4 comments:
None of that is surprising, given the Scouts' traditionally homophobic ways. Your parents were being a bit cruel to keep you in there, though. You're on estrogen and showing signs of it, and they want you to be a boy scout? It'd drive me mad.
It didn't drive me mad so much as it scared me every moment I was in uniform. "Showing signs" meant "Oh God I actually have use for a bra now!" and such. I wasn't one to raise a fuss though. It isn't in my nature to stick my neck out for myself(though probably way too far if it involves someone else..).
I was in it since first grade. It was probably an effort to carry on as if nothing was unusual or different. Same old same old, you know? Trying to hold on to something.
Yes, I'd be terrified.
Also, estrogen alters your face, so just hiding your breasts is one part, but by that point people were probably taking you as female when they saw you, yes?
I'm not really criticizing staying in them. More just, wow, I don't know if I could've done that.
Anyone that didn't already know me at least in passing? Probably so, but guess how I was being introduced?
Yep. As a boy.
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