It has become abundantly clear that I am a gigantic idiot.
Honestly, I don't know how I ever managed looking smart. In high school I was a B student. That is with the least amount of effort I could actually manage. I never did homework. I actually missed so much school that I got in trouble with the truancy officer. I still managed As and Bs with no effort. Any school I was in wanted to skip me or put me in some sort of advanced placement.
Yet I am not actually capable of doing ANYTHING competently. Actually trying to talk to anyone about anything makes this obvious. How I see and understand things doesn't jive with.. well.. anyone I've ever encountered. This has made the world incredibly confusing and frustrating. Each day that goes by it feels like things make less and less sense. Everything is just confusing now.
There is.. no subject I am so much as competent on. I'm not a writer.. an artist.. an athlete. I'm not even a thinker. I can't actually seem to do anything on my own. I need everything explained to me. I have to be walked through everything.
I guess there isn't any real point to this post except to whine and wonder what the hell is wrong with me.
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I am a male to female transsexual. This blog focuses on retelling stories of my childhood centering around gender dysphoria. It's mostly just a way of finally getting all this baggage off my chest. I'm done transitioning, but there is so much of my life I've never shared with anyone. I'm done hiding who I am.
About Me
- Miss Kitty
- United States
- By all accounts a very lucky MtF transsexual. More than a little off my rocker, but I am working on that.
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3 comments:
I don't think you're a gigantic idiot.
I'll admit, I don't know you personally, and maybe you aren't an artist, or athlete, but that only means you haven't found your niche yet. I say give it time, I fully believe you're beyond competent at something, I'm sure you're outright meant to do it. that thing just has presented itself yet.
Perhaps the reason you did so well in school is simply that you are adept at one skill, repeating what you have seen, and this has turned you into a one-trick pony.
This would provide the illusion of being exceptionally smart in classrooms, as when shown something, you are able to mimic it effectively and reproduce correct answers. However, in the absence of a direct template, this skill becomes worthless, and this would be the case for the majority of the post-school world.
I suppose what you would have to do is either find a profession where you do have a direct template to mimic or wean yourself away from this single developed skill and relearn creativity and self-motivation.
So I'll stop pestering you on your blog:
1)Do you have MSN?
2) can I add you to my MSN friends list?
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